Perhaps it was the pregnancy announcement that my brother and his girlfriend had recently made saying there was a "Baby Kleinschmidt" due in January that made this year the most difficult Father's Day yet.
Each year as the days passed, the anniversary of my daddy's death comes and goes, along with his birthday, his wedding anniversary to my mom; seven times now. Seven years without him, seven years of holidays and memories of me thinking "Damn, I really wish daddy were here to see this, hear this, feel this." Still, nothing compares to having a Father's Day without him. Absolutely nothing.
I was the luckiest girl in the world to have a man like him in my life. As strict and serious as he was; nobody got to see the softer side of him like I did. I was blessed to see the sides of him he wouldn't show anyone. He was a baseball coach to boys and men, still, he would come home and let me sleep in his lap. He would show up on dates if he did not get a good feeling about a guy, and take me out for dinner instead. Even when I was in trouble, I was never "really in trouble." Had that big man wrapped around my little finger, and I loved every moment of it.
God gave me someone for 19 years who shaped the person I am today. Every positive characteristic about myself is because of my father, and for that I will forever be thankful.
It's strange. This has been the best year of my life. I have everything I have ever wanted, but he isn't here.
I realize I am not the only person in the world to lose a parent, or the only daughter whose father was taken away from her at 19, still, I decided instead of ignoring this day and curling up like a little ball, I will celebrate this day. I will make sure each and every one of my friends and family gives their dads a call and tells him they love him. I didn't always go above and beyond for daddy, but I didn't realize how important those little moments were until he was gone. Now those moments are in a small box that I go through late at night and cry my eyes out. Take advantage of every moment. Please.
For those of you who do not have a father still with us, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
This could easily be the most difficult Father's Day yet, but probably the best one since he's been gone.
Rest in Peace Daddy, I love you.
-Jessie